A Grief Endured

This week the little kitten that Justus brought home died. We tried everything to help it to no avail. It was so tiny and seemed to be doing well, but it must have got an infection or something. We cried. It was precious to us and it was hard to see it suffer and see life slowly leave it's fragile fluffy body.

A few days later, I'm still grieving its loss. I am grieving over death and its presence in this world, in my life. I've seen a little of it in the death of our first child due to miscarriage, pets along the way, and relatives racked with illness and age.

I've pondered this week as to why this has hit me so hard. I've seen pets die before and not mourned so deeply. Part of the reason is because of the weariness and emotional fatigue that I am currently struggling with. But after observing my life over the years, I know at times I feel things very deeply. I think perhaps that God has made me to empathize over certain things, events, circumstance. I've seen myself enraged over the local priest who has spouted off lies to my family for generations, I've seen a show at the local gym that depicted people hurting each other  being called entertainment and been deeply grieved over the sin of our people and how degenerate we are as humans.

Perhaps God has given me a ministry of mourning. It is not a foreign concept as we see the prophets of old who grieved over the sin of their people,of Jesus who cried over Jerusalem. If nothing else, Maybe my heart simply is reflecting a bit of how God feels over sin and the effects of it in our world.

"Blessed are they that mourn...for they shall be comforted." Matthew 5:4

It is a blessing to mourn. Why? Because of the last part of the verse! We will be comforted! And what comfort! From one who knows every nuance and depth of every pain. From one who is the epitome of all hope, delight, and consolation! From God Himself. From the Holy Spirit who dwells in us who groans out the words that we cannot find to utter. From Jesus who prays for us to the Father. From the Father who knows the pain of sending His only Son to die. From a Sovereign God in control of all things and works all for our good to His glory. What joy!