Ptsd in war times

It's a war we're  in. We say it,  we know it to some degree, but it still shocks us.  It startled me today as I was watching a movie to see a man suffering from shell shock and the aftermaths of war.

What struck me in particular, was how familiar it was. I've seen it first hand,  yet not in a physical war. Is me.  It's my family.  It's every missionary in training and on the field.... especially there. It's in our churches some too.

What does it look like?  How can you recognize it? It's a  family just going through the motions just trying to survive- shell shocked. It's a mother falling apart and sobbing at random times. Seemingly rebellious children.   It's sleepless nights,  unexplained medical issues,  tight tensions, dark days and darker nights. It's not wanting any more noise,  people, nor discomforts. 

I've read accounts of some missionary wives losing their minds, children who vow never to be missionaries,  husbands lose heart and abandon hope. 

We're living some of it. 

It's a battle field.  One you can't ever fully escape. Though He does give us rest in the midst of it all.

I don't  mean to depress but to offer the same type of comfort that I get when I read the book of Job when I'm really struggling- it's a real comfort. 

It does hurt.  So cry.  Cry out to the One that feels every minute detail and cares,  and can help.  Then pick up the pieces and give them to Him. He is a good God; trust Him. Let him finish the puzzle. Don't pull away from him but allow Him to pull you into His arms. Concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other.  Accomplish the small priorities that are immediately in front of you.  Practice thankfulness. The every day.  The common grace. The simple. Don't discount it,.

And rest and pray love your family.  Pets are great for giving unconditional love when you need it the most.  :) 

And remember that life here on earth is short.  It'll be over soon. Let's give Him all we have; He's worth it.

The Adventure of staying

It's been over a year since my last post... crazy how time flies! Our family is all done the formal part of our training for the mission field (there's always something to learn)....and we can't go. My health (we still don't know what's really wrong), our family's well being (stress loads have been too high for too long),... well,  it's put us in a pause mode of sorts.

It's been a year, pausing, and we see a greater need for more rest (I use that word loosely, as life still  happens). We are still going through many adjustments with Zack graduated and moved out,  Justus starting public school for the first time.  The kids are growing up!

It's been a tough pill to swallow,  staying put, in some ways. Dealing with disappointment from our own change of plans and from other's ideals. Yet is been such a relief as well.  We have enough to deal with,  without having to move and learn a new culture and language.

I spent the first few months in our new "paused" location, in bed,  unable to function.  I praise God for the rest and also for the measure of health He's given back to me.  Most days,  I can function. Some days,  I feel like myself. Still getting some testing done.  I've been able to find home remedies and supplements to help with the symptoms.

Todd is back to work full-time. First in carpentry,  and then when that dried up,  he learned a new trade,  flooring. He works long hours to help proved for us,  often parenting over the phone to help me out.  I'm so proud of him and thankful for him.  He's done my job and his,  more times than not,  of late. And praise be to God! He's sustained Todd and even grown him through this. (I'm sure I've grown too,  but my perspective is to close to see it. )

We've been able to see,  during this time,  God move two families to bring the gospel to first nations peoples. He's still moving to reach them.  Maybe eventually He'll use us to this capacity,  maybe He's got other plans.  For now we learn to stay and grow in Him here,  and minister here... especially to our family.


I'm at Tim Hortons today.  I just dropped off Justus to football practice.  I have a few errands to run and then I'll go home (that's such a loaded word- home). I'll do some chores,  send Brooke off to work (waitressing),  feed the dog,  Pippin (we love that puppy! ). I might snuggle the cat,  if she's in the mood ;). And who knows what adventures will come my way today?